I have always believed in the power of prayer & letting go, of letting God take control… until recently. I wavered. I got too scared, angry and bitter.I experienced one of my greatest fear, and that was to be confined and admitted in the ICU (even for a few hours — 17 hours max) for threatened preterm labor. Honestly, I wasn’t sure which scared me more – being confined or that our baby, our dear baby who still have underdeveloped lungs be forced to breathe on his own.
Being confined to a hospital bed for almost a week was hard. I kept praying that I will be better and that they will let me go home and rest. Days passed by and even without any contractions, they still didn’t give me any clearance to go home. I know I wasn’t the only one suffering during that stay in the hospital. My husband didn’t leave my side & he patiently attends to my every need. My mom also visited most nights and stayed til the wee hours of the morning, just so my husband can have some rest. All of these, they did for love.
During those long days, I kept asking myself, kept asking God, “why?” I kept praying that they will see that I am well enough to go home. But His answer seems lost somewhere – maybe I missed it, maybe I was too blind to notice it… I kept worrying. Both my husband and mom kept telling me to pray and just believe that things will be better and that everything we will need will be cared for.
Now that I am home and is able to rest better, everything is much clearer now. Yes, I felt the pain. Yes, I almost went into preterm labor, but He didn’t allow it to happen. It was not yet time for our baby to be born. I learned that what I felt that night, that pain in my tummy was serious and should I feel something similar in the future, I should rush to the hospital. I learned that prayer is really powerful, especially when done by people who really care for you. I learned that no matter the cost, He will provide. I learned that no matter the sacrifice, when done in love, everything is worth it.