I need to update this one because I felt like I have spoken too soon.
I am the kind of person who usually answers online tests, just to see how I fare. I have recently written a story on depression, for work, and yes, as I was doing my research, I came across an online test. I answered it truthfully and saw that what I felt back then, was post partum depression. I know that the doctor needs to have the last say, but still…
Answering the test explained why I felt the way that I did. I thought back then that what I was feeling was just part of the adjustment stage. Yes, I was sad and felt useless at times, but *sigh* I never thought I would fall in to depression.
I am just thankful that I am feeling better now and that things seem lighter. I am thankful that my husband wasn’t depressed back then, too. I have recently found out that post partum depression wasn’t exclusive to moms, and that dads can catch it. Most of all, I am very thankful that I didn’t do anything to harm my family.
Here’s a quick flash back on what I have written merely weeks after giving birth.
Weeks before I gave birth, family and friends had been warning me about postpartum depression. At first I was like, how is it possible to be depressed after giving birth? Wasn’t it the most awaited moment of parents to be?
Now, it has been a week since I gave birth. Thankfully, I have my supportive husband by my side and I don’t think I will experience this. However, I now understand how it is possible to be depressed.
It is when all the “excitement” of pregnancy & giving birth was gone and the tiredness sets in. Being pregnant causes hormonal changes and sometimes, it is not always easy coping with this, and like everyone else, we can only take so much.
I admit that I sometimes feel like breaking down, especially when our new born cries too much. I do not know what he’s feeling, if he is ill or if he gets enough milk from me. I always worry and when he keeps on crying, I want to cry, too. I also feel so low whenever I feel like I have been neglecting my wifely duties. I know that my husband understands and he says, I am not neglecting him, but still.
I guess depression takes place when we feel that we are not doing enough. It is not really about how we look post giving birth, it is the feeling of being tired, of not being able to do much (while mustering up the energy to do things) and of being alone.
Having a support system will surely help. Have someone you trust , to just be there. Someone to rub your back and hug you.
Cheers to all new moms, understanding & supportive husband, families and friends!